Friday, March 23, 2012

Definitions for Modern Hating

Racism: The act of upsetting white conservatives, congressional representatives and radio hosts by pointing out their bigotry and prejudice. Not to be confused with 'racism,' which is an antiquated word for slavery that has lost all meaning since the American Civil War which was fought entirely over states rights.

Eugenics: Any government bill which provides medical coverage for Americans.

Marxist: A person who has read enough books to know what Marxism actually is.

Slut: A woman that exists. 

Muslim: Terrorist.

American Muslim: Potential Terrorist.

Poverty: A fable created by Theodore Kennedy in the 1950's to lure America into the purchasing of butter vouchers. 

God: White Jesus.

Planned Parenthood: Al Qaeda.

The Race Card: Mentioning race ever.

War: A necessary evil that we have to send people to do because otherwise Hitler will rise from the dead with his squadron of Islamic Dinosaurs.

Abortion: A scourge on all humanity that only exists because women can't stop whoring and just obey their white christian masters.

Israel: Yes.

American Jews: Not so much.

Woody Allen: Definitely not.

Freedom: The right to oppress those more vulnerable than yourself, including women, minorities, immigrants and the poor.

Public Schools: Small buildings where overpaid liberals tell children it's okay to be faggots.

Sex: An awkward act that should only ever take place between two dull, unhappy people for a maximum of three minutes in the dark every third Wednesday or as the husband requires.

Rape: An appropriate and not at all callous analogy for taxation.

Public Unions: Fascists.

Special Interests Groups: TANF families.

Corporations: The only people willing to stand up on behalf of the American people against the rest of the American people.

The Poor: Millions of Americans doing fine working cushy jobs at retail automotive part outlets and warehouses.

Money: White Jesus.

More to come...

2 comments:

  1. Emily's been flogging your stuff over at her joint in the last few days, and I took the occasion to reaquaint myself with some of your new and old songs. You're going to be famous one day and I'll get to comfort myself with the knowledge that I knew you when. Nora Carrington

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